when gracie was born

I was only 3 when Gracie was born. But my parents remember the event vividly – and love to tell me about it.

They love to tell me how angry I was that I was now no longer the only child. They love to tell me that  I cried whenever she cried, to try to steal the attention from her. They love to make me feel selfish.

Human nature is interesting. No one can know the mind of an individual except for that particular individual. But if someone who that person loves tells her – you are selfish, you did this for selfish reasons…she begins to believe that she is indeed selfish.

And that’s a lie.

And…..that only REINFORCES that mindset! It does not enable change. It enables them to get trapped.

As I get older, I am getting better at distinguinshing between a truth and a lie. I am geting better at realizing when I’m compromising truth just to smooth things over between my parents. And I’m gaining the confidence to speak up for myself.

I haven’t defended myself to my parents just yet. But when I do, here’s what I will say…

I will say…

“I am not selfish. I love my sister, and I always have. I loved her when she was born. And that’s why I cried when she cried….not because I wanted to steal the attention from her…but because I empathized with her. I felt her pain with her. She was the closest human being to me. I understood her before she could even speak. And I will always work towards understanding her, for the rest of our lives.”

Now, my actions need to match my words. And Gracie needs to know that I feel that way, too. Despite my parents’ claims that I’m selfish…God is good. And He knows me. I’ll let his definition of me define me.

As my good friend John Mayer said…

“I’m in repair…I’m not together, but I’m gettting there.”